Shutting this down
Looking for the previous posts? Those are gone. Why? Because this whole thing will be gone. I'm going back and forth between "Trying to be emotionally heather and more positive" and wanting to end it repeatedly all due to one mistake or another. I am still a slave to my negative feelings and with now my main hobby going behind a paywall, I can't even distract myself anymore. As for what prompted getting rid of this, simple: It hasn't accomplished anything. Thought was put all my negative thoughts here and maybe that'll do...something. However, its failed. Still wanted to strangle myself or blow my brains out because I still am convinced I don't deserve a damn thing. I am still constantly fighting wanting to give up and wanting to keep trying. So this has accomplished nothing. Its been about as effective as keeping the thoughts to myself, which I might as well have been doing the whole time since no one reads these. Essentially, I just have posted my hones...